I wanted to write a quick blog about Kinky Curly and the curling custard, so...here it is!
So...I have heard from some of my forum friends and via my mother about this hair care line called Kinky-Curly (http://kinky-curly.com) that's designed to let you "Stop being a slave to your hair. Step away from the blowdryer. Unplug that flat iron. Go Natural and experience the freedom of wash and go hair. Natural hair is beautiful hair and with the right products and styling techniques can flourish and grow to great lengths!" (and that's straight from the website homepage, btw). My mother knows my struggle with finding hair products to make my curls look nice and purty so she was in Targét (yeah, I called Target Targét...don't judge...lol), saw the product and bought me the spritz and the curling custard. I'm going out tonight and I always hate going out with straight hair because I'm a dancing machine and I sweat my hair out, so I said "self, let's try this curling custard" and we got in the shower, washed the hair (which, coincidentally still had henna in it. I told you it's like rinsing dirt out) and conditioned it and got out. On the jar, it says that if you have thick coarse hair to use the product when your hair is soaking wet. Towel-drying it is no bueno because of frizz and yadda yadda yadda. I sat down and started to part my hair. THIS IS WHERE I'M NOT HAPPY - while I realized that putting the henna in my hair would loosen my curls, I didn't know it would loosen them THIS much. I got a relaxer in like October but with every relaxer (and I only get one no more than 3-4 times a year), I've always maintained my curls. My hair is like bone straight from my roots to about 3/4 down (basically damn near to my ends). My solution to this was to twist my hair and hit it with the diffuser (because I don't have the time/patience to airdry tonight...lol) and then comb through the twists once it was dry enough and then hit it with the diffuser again. And that plan went though.
When I was first finished with it, I felt like it looked like a failed experiment from the island of Dr. Moreau, but I'm kind of okay with it now. I think it could look so much better, but I have to let the henna grow out which is going to take months, so my curly plan is to just twist, diffuse, twist out and diffuse some more.
Oh well. C'est la vie. Adios, mis amigos.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Blog #41 - Excitement
So, about 50 minutes ago, I got a phone call from a number I know all TOO well - the number to my recruiter at a pharmaceutical company. I had a 2nd interview on Friday and I know that they were interviewing yesterday so I didn't really think anything of it. BUT today would be a different phone call. Today she offered me the job - I screamed in her ear...lol. I'm so excited. Like...DUMB excited. The fact that I don't even have a car right now isn't even bothering me...I will completely work it out to fill out the paperwork tomorrow. It WILL happen. I'll figure it out. But this is my excited post. Thank you, drive through
Monday, December 13, 2010
Blog #40 - Friday Night Lights...lol
I know that today is Monday but I'm writing about Friday, so don't judge me...lol.
Matt, Jon and I went out to Perle to meet up with our homegirl, her brother and her 2 cousins for her cousins birthday. Getting dressed, I had no idea how to do my makeup: should I do a smokey eye and nude lips or red lips and a cat eye? It's New Brunswick, so I decided on a red lip and cat-eye because it was quick and simple (not like a smokey eye isn't simple and quick, though) and I was wearing a black shirt and black boots and I needed some color at least on my face. I didn't look like anything special in my book (let me stop here and say that the last time I went to NB not looking like anything special, I met Chicago man, so I should have known...lol). So, I pick up Matt and we meet up with his new chick, her 2 friends and her brother (who is dating one of her friends...I feel like that's a sticky situation, but I digress). We're having a good ol' time in the little hip-hop room and here is where the drama begins. I know one of the bouncers there from high school (remember, it IS a local spot) and he asked me to check if this dude smells like weed. I couldn't tell from where I was sitting, so he gave me 10 bucks to buy dude a drink at the bar so I can get closer. He and I go to the bar and then we leave to go to the bar in the bigger room. I buy him his drink and then we head back and apparently that set off a whole chain reaction of emotions and anger and arguing from one of the girls and the dude and Matt's chick started to get mad at Matt for no reason and I'm just oblivious to all of this because...I came to dance and have a good damn time. I saw Matt talking to Jon and I went over to be nosy and that's when they told me that apparently I caused some childlike drama. I need for some chicks to not be so damn dramatica over nothing. So, that was the end of that. I saw Nancy and Elisa randomly, which was nice...even though Nancy wouldn't get her ass up and dance. She sucks. My Friday night was KO'd when as Matt, Jon and I are walking to the parking deck to our cars, this truck full of chicks pulls up, the passenger window comes down and this girl yells out "mami with the tan jacket and black boots!!!" (nevermind that I'm the only chick walking on the entire street...lol) "You are looking so sexy! And you were so sexy dancing!!!" Jon and Matt then pushed me to walk in front with Matt saying "You know if we weren't here, that would have gone down tooooooooootally different" and this fool Jon co-signing with "Yup. It would have been 'mami with the tan jacket and black boots' and then they would have ran out the car, grabbed you and you would have got kidnapped". I need new friends because clearly they just don't like me. And THAT was my Friday night. I caused drama and got accosted by a girl. New Brunswick, I tell you. I never have these problems when I go anywhere else...lmao
On a side note: my cat eye looked SO much better on the day I took the picture with the ring in my mouth than on Friday. Maybe because I actually put some effort into my makeup that day ::kanye shrug:: I should probably put more effort into my makeup this coming Friday because I definitely got punked into going to a birthday party at GnO, which is probably going to fail my life. But...at least I'll look good...lol. I was thinking of wearing my black dress with the zipper and my nude Aldo shoes...but it's gonna be cold and I don't think I like Mudbone like that to get all dressy and uber pretty...lol. I think that's more of a NYE dress, anyways. Maybe I'll just wear some jeans, my shoes and I'll try to find a shirt in my array of shirts that I have here.
OOOH, side note number 2: So, Sunday after I dropped my parentals off at the airport and I was waiting for my homie to bring me my gift, I got a wonderful surprise: a Facebook im from Binx!!! I was uber shocked and delighted all at the same time because I completely wasn't expecting that. I can't wait to go visit him...that's my dude.
Matt, Jon and I went out to Perle to meet up with our homegirl, her brother and her 2 cousins for her cousins birthday. Getting dressed, I had no idea how to do my makeup: should I do a smokey eye and nude lips or red lips and a cat eye? It's New Brunswick, so I decided on a red lip and cat-eye because it was quick and simple (not like a smokey eye isn't simple and quick, though) and I was wearing a black shirt and black boots and I needed some color at least on my face. I didn't look like anything special in my book (let me stop here and say that the last time I went to NB not looking like anything special, I met Chicago man, so I should have known...lol). So, I pick up Matt and we meet up with his new chick, her 2 friends and her brother (who is dating one of her friends...I feel like that's a sticky situation, but I digress). We're having a good ol' time in the little hip-hop room and here is where the drama begins. I know one of the bouncers there from high school (remember, it IS a local spot) and he asked me to check if this dude smells like weed. I couldn't tell from where I was sitting, so he gave me 10 bucks to buy dude a drink at the bar so I can get closer. He and I go to the bar and then we leave to go to the bar in the bigger room. I buy him his drink and then we head back and apparently that set off a whole chain reaction of emotions and anger and arguing from one of the girls and the dude and Matt's chick started to get mad at Matt for no reason and I'm just oblivious to all of this because...I came to dance and have a good damn time. I saw Matt talking to Jon and I went over to be nosy and that's when they told me that apparently I caused some childlike drama. I need for some chicks to not be so damn dramatica over nothing. So, that was the end of that. I saw Nancy and Elisa randomly, which was nice...even though Nancy wouldn't get her ass up and dance. She sucks. My Friday night was KO'd when as Matt, Jon and I are walking to the parking deck to our cars, this truck full of chicks pulls up, the passenger window comes down and this girl yells out "mami with the tan jacket and black boots!!!" (nevermind that I'm the only chick walking on the entire street...lol) "You are looking so sexy! And you were so sexy dancing!!!" Jon and Matt then pushed me to walk in front with Matt saying "You know if we weren't here, that would have gone down tooooooooootally different" and this fool Jon co-signing with "Yup. It would have been 'mami with the tan jacket and black boots' and then they would have ran out the car, grabbed you and you would have got kidnapped". I need new friends because clearly they just don't like me. And THAT was my Friday night. I caused drama and got accosted by a girl. New Brunswick, I tell you. I never have these problems when I go anywhere else...lmao
On a side note: my cat eye looked SO much better on the day I took the picture with the ring in my mouth than on Friday. Maybe because I actually put some effort into my makeup that day ::kanye shrug:: I should probably put more effort into my makeup this coming Friday because I definitely got punked into going to a birthday party at GnO, which is probably going to fail my life. But...at least I'll look good...lol. I was thinking of wearing my black dress with the zipper and my nude Aldo shoes...but it's gonna be cold and I don't think I like Mudbone like that to get all dressy and uber pretty...lol. I think that's more of a NYE dress, anyways. Maybe I'll just wear some jeans, my shoes and I'll try to find a shirt in my array of shirts that I have here.
OOOH, side note number 2: So, Sunday after I dropped my parentals off at the airport and I was waiting for my homie to bring me my gift, I got a wonderful surprise: a Facebook im from Binx!!! I was uber shocked and delighted all at the same time because I completely wasn't expecting that. I can't wait to go visit him...that's my dude.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Blog #39 - Legit Henna Blog
So, as you know (probably vaguely) I used henna in my hair for the first time last night/this morning. I think I was a little bat-shit crazy because I was so exhausted so my post was all over the place and crazy sounding. I've had a chance to sleep, albeit for not a long time...but I did sleep, so I'm a little better to write it (not like anyone is really really reading it, though...lol). I haven't had the chance to straighten my hair and wasn't gonna blog...but what the hell. There's always an edit button for later!
Product: Rainbow Henna in Persian Medium Brown (Chestnut)
Necessities: Money (it's about $6.99 not including tax at Whole Foods)
I wish I would have taken pictures of it beforehand (clearly I suck as a product review blogger...lol). Regular henna is normally just RED (for the Rainbow Henna, it would be called Persian Red); however, Rainbow comes in different colors (http://www.rainbowresearch.com/chart.html) although I kept more towards the dark side of the spectrum. Truth be told, I wouldn't rock with the lighter end of the spectrum because I feel like it kind of defeats the purpose of henna itself and that it might have too many ingredients in order to get it that color. But that's just me and my thoughts. I didn't look at the ingredients on the lighter side of things at all so I couldn't even tell you. The ingredients on the Chestnut henna I got are "lawsonia inermis" and "indigofereae"...essentially the henna plant and indigo. It's a gritty green looking powder and smells like tea, in my opinion.
Product Mixing
Necessities: hot water, henna, plastic bowl/container (I used a cool whip container), plastic knife for mixing
I was doing research and people have all sorts of concoctions for mixing their henna...I decided to go by the instructions and just use hot water. The instructions state to use 1 cup of henna and one cup of boiling water. Well, one cup of the henna is the entire jar, so pow. Put that in the plastic container. I can tell you right now, you're going to need more than one cup of hot water, but start out with one cup. I made mine boil in the microwave and then slowly added it to the powder while stirring with the plastic knife. It became this thick and not very well mixed clump of stuff, so I gradually added more hot water and stirred until it became about as thick as cake batter (imagine green cake batter). And it still smelled like tea...lol.
Product Placement
Necessities: time, patience, gloves, a shirt you don't give a shit about, a hairdye brush from the hair store (it's like $2), a towel, saran wrap/plastic bag/plastic processing cap (the shower caps from the hair salon that they put on you for a deep conditioning) or a friend with all these things
PRODUCT PLACEMENT TIME!!!! I was watching videos on how to apply and they just slapped it on there, so I thought I could do the same thing. Oh, no ma'am. Little did I pay attention that those were natural girls with TWA's (teeny weeny afros) and they could just do that. Not us chicks with long hair. I started out doing it the right way by parting my hair and then applying. Then, somewhere after the first part, I got lazy and said what the hell and just schlacked it on my head. BAD MOVE!!! IF YOU HAVE LONG HAIR, DON'T DO THIS!!! And by long hair...I mean anything past the top of your ear. You NEED to part and place in order for it to coat all of your hair. I didn't part and place and I KNOW I missed some spots. When you part your hair, I recommend going from side to side so it's easier when you get to your hairline and edges. I also recommend parting and not schlacking because...HENNA IS MESSY. That's why I said get a shirt you don't give a shit about (like a shirt you got from a boyfriend but you guys broke up and you dont' care about it anymore). When it dries, it looks (and acts) like mud. Going from bottom to top will eliminate some movement so it doesn't clump off as much (remember, mine is green. It looked like a gerbil and a hamster got together and collectively decided to poop on my floor...lol). IIIIIII thought I was being smart and was just gonna apply it everywhere with no parting and no dyebrush and just use my hands. Very bad move. I had massive clumps falling down my arms, falling on my shirt (because remember, you have to apply it to your hair like cake frosting). I couldn't get inside to the middle of my head because the henna dried up, so I'm pretty sure I have places that are untouched by the henna because I decided to be hardheaded and think I was cute and being fast about it. Once you're done, you can either put a plastic processing cap on, a plastic bag or wrap your hair in saran wrap. I did saran wrap and a plastic processing cap. Then, the package said to let it sit for 60-75 minutes without heat. I sat for an hour and a half. I've read of people sleeping with it on - I'm a wild sleeper and don't really trust myself for it to stay on...lol.
The Rinse-Out
Necessities: a shower, a sponge, a wide-tooth comb, sturdy shower lining (if you don't have doors), shampoo and conditioner
So, 90 minutes passed and I went to rinse out. If you have shower curtains, please make sure your shower liner is stuck to the wall via the water so you don't get what looks like dirt outside of your shower (like I did because I was stupid and didn't think to do that). BE WARNED: because Rainbow Henna has particles in it and because it dries like mud, it will feel like you are rinsing dirt out of your hair. Literal dirt. Like you went to the park, put your head in dirt and just rubbed it all in your hair. Not even joking. You will be in the shower for at least 20 minutes just rinsing. Not even washing your body. The rinsing alone felt like it took me like 20 minutes with hair that doesn't touch my bra strap. If your hair is longer, I'm assuming you'd be in the shower rinsing it out longer (but I don't know...I don't have long hair). I think I'm still finding small particles of henna in my hair. I say you need the sponge, because if you're like me, you will want to do clean up as you go to eliminate the clean-up after (and particularly because I rinsed out at like 12:30am. I wasn't beat for staying up longer and cleaning up after). My hair definitely felt softer as the henna was coming out, though. I will say that. I didn't have my wide tooth comb in the shower to comb out my hair. You'll be able to feel where the henna still it because it'll feel like clumps, but your hair will definitely be softer. I have coarse hair (in my opinion) so it definitely felt softer. Color change, I don't think so, honestly. But you can never tell when your hair is wet. I feel like my ends and roots finally match, so that might be a good sign. I also read that henna dries your hair out a little bit, so I slept with a leave-in conditioner and a little Razac in my hair. It still kinda smells like tea, though...lol.
The End Result
Necessities: blow dryer, flat iron, parting comb, hair clip and hair tie
So, the end result. I actually haven't gotten to this step yet, because I woke up not too long ago and took the showercap off my damn head so my hair could dry. I shall be back with an edit at some point today! Toodles!
Product: Rainbow Henna in Persian Medium Brown (Chestnut)Necessities: Money (it's about $6.99 not including tax at Whole Foods)
I wish I would have taken pictures of it beforehand (clearly I suck as a product review blogger...lol). Regular henna is normally just RED (for the Rainbow Henna, it would be called Persian Red); however, Rainbow comes in different colors (http://www.rainbowresearch.com/chart.html) although I kept more towards the dark side of the spectrum. Truth be told, I wouldn't rock with the lighter end of the spectrum because I feel like it kind of defeats the purpose of henna itself and that it might have too many ingredients in order to get it that color. But that's just me and my thoughts. I didn't look at the ingredients on the lighter side of things at all so I couldn't even tell you. The ingredients on the Chestnut henna I got are "lawsonia inermis" and "indigofereae"...essentially the henna plant and indigo. It's a gritty green looking powder and smells like tea, in my opinion.
Product Mixing
Necessities: hot water, henna, plastic bowl/container (I used a cool whip container), plastic knife for mixing
I was doing research and people have all sorts of concoctions for mixing their henna...I decided to go by the instructions and just use hot water. The instructions state to use 1 cup of henna and one cup of boiling water. Well, one cup of the henna is the entire jar, so pow. Put that in the plastic container. I can tell you right now, you're going to need more than one cup of hot water, but start out with one cup. I made mine boil in the microwave and then slowly added it to the powder while stirring with the plastic knife. It became this thick and not very well mixed clump of stuff, so I gradually added more hot water and stirred until it became about as thick as cake batter (imagine green cake batter). And it still smelled like tea...lol.
Product Placement
Necessities: time, patience, gloves, a shirt you don't give a shit about, a hairdye brush from the hair store (it's like $2), a towel, saran wrap/plastic bag/plastic processing cap (the shower caps from the hair salon that they put on you for a deep conditioning) or a friend with all these things
PRODUCT PLACEMENT TIME!!!! I was watching videos on how to apply and they just slapped it on there, so I thought I could do the same thing. Oh, no ma'am. Little did I pay attention that those were natural girls with TWA's (teeny weeny afros) and they could just do that. Not us chicks with long hair. I started out doing it the right way by parting my hair and then applying. Then, somewhere after the first part, I got lazy and said what the hell and just schlacked it on my head. BAD MOVE!!! IF YOU HAVE LONG HAIR, DON'T DO THIS!!! And by long hair...I mean anything past the top of your ear. You NEED to part and place in order for it to coat all of your hair. I didn't part and place and I KNOW I missed some spots. When you part your hair, I recommend going from side to side so it's easier when you get to your hairline and edges. I also recommend parting and not schlacking because...HENNA IS MESSY. That's why I said get a shirt you don't give a shit about (like a shirt you got from a boyfriend but you guys broke up and you dont' care about it anymore). When it dries, it looks (and acts) like mud. Going from bottom to top will eliminate some movement so it doesn't clump off as much (remember, mine is green. It looked like a gerbil and a hamster got together and collectively decided to poop on my floor...lol). IIIIIII thought I was being smart and was just gonna apply it everywhere with no parting and no dyebrush and just use my hands. Very bad move. I had massive clumps falling down my arms, falling on my shirt (because remember, you have to apply it to your hair like cake frosting). I couldn't get inside to the middle of my head because the henna dried up, so I'm pretty sure I have places that are untouched by the henna because I decided to be hardheaded and think I was cute and being fast about it. Once you're done, you can either put a plastic processing cap on, a plastic bag or wrap your hair in saran wrap. I did saran wrap and a plastic processing cap. Then, the package said to let it sit for 60-75 minutes without heat. I sat for an hour and a half. I've read of people sleeping with it on - I'm a wild sleeper and don't really trust myself for it to stay on...lol.
The Rinse-Out
Necessities: a shower, a sponge, a wide-tooth comb, sturdy shower lining (if you don't have doors), shampoo and conditioner
So, 90 minutes passed and I went to rinse out. If you have shower curtains, please make sure your shower liner is stuck to the wall via the water so you don't get what looks like dirt outside of your shower (like I did because I was stupid and didn't think to do that). BE WARNED: because Rainbow Henna has particles in it and because it dries like mud, it will feel like you are rinsing dirt out of your hair. Literal dirt. Like you went to the park, put your head in dirt and just rubbed it all in your hair. Not even joking. You will be in the shower for at least 20 minutes just rinsing. Not even washing your body. The rinsing alone felt like it took me like 20 minutes with hair that doesn't touch my bra strap. If your hair is longer, I'm assuming you'd be in the shower rinsing it out longer (but I don't know...I don't have long hair). I think I'm still finding small particles of henna in my hair. I say you need the sponge, because if you're like me, you will want to do clean up as you go to eliminate the clean-up after (and particularly because I rinsed out at like 12:30am. I wasn't beat for staying up longer and cleaning up after). My hair definitely felt softer as the henna was coming out, though. I will say that. I didn't have my wide tooth comb in the shower to comb out my hair. You'll be able to feel where the henna still it because it'll feel like clumps, but your hair will definitely be softer. I have coarse hair (in my opinion) so it definitely felt softer. Color change, I don't think so, honestly. But you can never tell when your hair is wet. I feel like my ends and roots finally match, so that might be a good sign. I also read that henna dries your hair out a little bit, so I slept with a leave-in conditioner and a little Razac in my hair. It still kinda smells like tea, though...lol.
The End Result
Necessities: blow dryer, flat iron, parting comb, hair clip and hair tie
So, the end result. I actually haven't gotten to this step yet, because I woke up not too long ago and took the showercap off my damn head so my hair could dry. I shall be back with an edit at some point today! Toodles!
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Blog #38 - What the Fuck and Henna
So, as I sit here with this henna in my hair for like an hour and some change (wtf), I decided to blog as it has been a minute since I HAVE blogged. Let's see what's going on in life, shall we?
So, Mr. CT Man and I (because I forgot what I called him) have called it a quits. Well, he called it a quits and was just gonna let me figure it out on my own if I didn't call him on it. But, I think we had this discussion. So, anyways...he's back with his ex-fiancee. Like I didn't see that one coming. But like I told him: I wish him well.
So, I was bored tonight and decided to put some henna in my hair. I have been contemplating this move for a really really long time now and just said fuck it. I was at Whole Foods to see if they ahd the Kinky Curly hair products (which they didn't), but I saw the henna and said "why the hell not?" My head is hot. I have it wrapped in saran wrap and then have a plastic processing cap on top of it. I look like a plastic conehead. My head feels like it weighs like 80 pounds. Kinda like it did after they gave me Demerol in the hospital for my appendix. Fail...lol. Here I am thinking I'm like the cute little natural chicks with the short hair and that I can just schlack the shit on my hair...sike MY mind. I really should have just done what I was going to do and do it piece by piece, section by section so that I wouldn't fuck shit up. But CLEARLY I fucked it up. Oh well...I can wait 6 months :) So, here's the process: Put the henna in your hair, section by section, making sure to coat all of the hair in the section with the henna and to not waste henna because this stuff is thick like mud and will clump and fall around you like mud, too. My henna was green, so it looked like a gerbil was running around by my mirror and pooped on my floor...lol. But I think I got most of it up. I then wrapped my hair in saran wrap and put a plastic shower cap on it and here I am now :) I think I'm gonna wash it out at 12:30ish. I think I was done with it at 11, but I'm not really sure. I figure 12:30 is a safe bet. So, that's it for now and I'll be back to edit later!
So, Mr. CT Man and I (because I forgot what I called him) have called it a quits. Well, he called it a quits and was just gonna let me figure it out on my own if I didn't call him on it. But, I think we had this discussion. So, anyways...he's back with his ex-fiancee. Like I didn't see that one coming. But like I told him: I wish him well.
So, I was bored tonight and decided to put some henna in my hair. I have been contemplating this move for a really really long time now and just said fuck it. I was at Whole Foods to see if they ahd the Kinky Curly hair products (which they didn't), but I saw the henna and said "why the hell not?" My head is hot. I have it wrapped in saran wrap and then have a plastic processing cap on top of it. I look like a plastic conehead. My head feels like it weighs like 80 pounds. Kinda like it did after they gave me Demerol in the hospital for my appendix. Fail...lol. Here I am thinking I'm like the cute little natural chicks with the short hair and that I can just schlack the shit on my hair...sike MY mind. I really should have just done what I was going to do and do it piece by piece, section by section so that I wouldn't fuck shit up. But CLEARLY I fucked it up. Oh well...I can wait 6 months :) So, here's the process: Put the henna in your hair, section by section, making sure to coat all of the hair in the section with the henna and to not waste henna because this stuff is thick like mud and will clump and fall around you like mud, too. My henna was green, so it looked like a gerbil was running around by my mirror and pooped on my floor...lol. But I think I got most of it up. I then wrapped my hair in saran wrap and put a plastic shower cap on it and here I am now :) I think I'm gonna wash it out at 12:30ish. I think I was done with it at 11, but I'm not really sure. I figure 12:30 is a safe bet. So, that's it for now and I'll be back to edit later!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Blog #37 Irritation and Gaianyx
So...this goes back to that paragraph about Luis from yesterday/this morning. So, after trivial conversation (again...I'm pretty sure we have a 4 bbm maximum now), I hit him with "I think we're drifting apart" message and he hits me with "I been feeling it for awhile but I blame myself for that", to which I ask why. I think that's a reasonable question. Apparently it's something he does while "attempting a long distance relationship"...but I'm only 2 hours away and I was making the effort. At any rate, the end result is that we're now back to being "non-kissing friends". And I'm pissed about it. I pretty much wasted time, gas, tolls, stupid ass sap tweets/bbms and more importantly, more time trying to take something to the next level on someone who knew that it wasn't gonna work on his end. Wasted energy on my part. I hate it.
Now I feel myself getting more irritated because there I was at some party he invited me to so I could hang with his friends, and all that other stuff and sitting there boo-loving with someone who knew it wasn't gonna work. I think that's why I'm so irritated...because he knew his track record and 1) didn't tell me and 2) didn't tell me so I wouldn't put so much into it. I wouldn't have wasted my time driving to CT and be willing enough to drive the 2 hours back home that same day. The more I think about it, the more I feel blinding rage and fury as opposed to hurt. I'm pretty sure if I was a cartoon character right now, there would be an epic transformation right now.
I feel the rage of Gaianyx taking over ala Jean Gray vs. The Phoenix. As a Libra, we have two sides...one side is our best/most frequent side, when we're happy and everything is magical clouds, unicorns, rainbows and love. But then again...as the scales of balance...as one side is happy...there is a darker, more evil side to us. My evil/ruthless side just happens to have a name - GAIANYX. Gaia is the goddess of the earth and Nyx is the goddess of the night - Gaianyx = goddess of the dark earth. I feel the need to transform myself. Maybe I should thank Luis for this. Maybe...just maybe...he pushed me over the edge to do what I want to do. Again...I feel like an epic transformation is in order or...is already happening inside and I need to bring it outward. Maybe I need to follow the dark rules of survival:
1 - You can't hurt when you're driven by rage/pain (yeah, I borrowed this from my frat brother).
2 - Look out for self.
3 - Never let the wall down.
We shall see how this turns out over the course of the next few days/weeks. I shall be cleaning out my contact list in a few minutes. Let's see where this rage takes me.
Now I feel myself getting more irritated because there I was at some party he invited me to so I could hang with his friends, and all that other stuff and sitting there boo-loving with someone who knew it wasn't gonna work. I think that's why I'm so irritated...because he knew his track record and 1) didn't tell me and 2) didn't tell me so I wouldn't put so much into it. I wouldn't have wasted my time driving to CT and be willing enough to drive the 2 hours back home that same day. The more I think about it, the more I feel blinding rage and fury as opposed to hurt. I'm pretty sure if I was a cartoon character right now, there would be an epic transformation right now.
I feel the rage of Gaianyx taking over ala Jean Gray vs. The Phoenix. As a Libra, we have two sides...one side is our best/most frequent side, when we're happy and everything is magical clouds, unicorns, rainbows and love. But then again...as the scales of balance...as one side is happy...there is a darker, more evil side to us. My evil/ruthless side just happens to have a name - GAIANYX. Gaia is the goddess of the earth and Nyx is the goddess of the night - Gaianyx = goddess of the dark earth. I feel the need to transform myself. Maybe I should thank Luis for this. Maybe...just maybe...he pushed me over the edge to do what I want to do. Again...I feel like an epic transformation is in order or...is already happening inside and I need to bring it outward. Maybe I need to follow the dark rules of survival:
1 - You can't hurt when you're driven by rage/pain (yeah, I borrowed this from my frat brother).
2 - Look out for self.
3 - Never let the wall down.
We shall see how this turns out over the course of the next few days/weeks. I shall be cleaning out my contact list in a few minutes. Let's see where this rage takes me.
Blog #36 - Untitled
So, as I sat here on my bed and drank this orange juice out of this big ass McDonald's cup, my frat brother Todd hits me up on BBM and asks me how my blog is doing. I told him I haven't blogged in a minute and he suggested that I do because "someone could be interested in the novella that is your life". One can only hope...lol. So anyways...let's see what there is to update on. I'll recall the events as I remember them, because we all know my memory sucks.
Banquet
So, my most recent even that I've gone to was my sorority's banquet last night. We had SUCH a blast. It was like short dress banquet...like 99.4% of us had on short dresses. We all got that memo...lol. We had a ringleader, a guy on stilts, a contortionist (who was OD) and a belly dancer...it was fun fun times and we took massive amounts of pics. Then we had a "party" in our hotel room, but ultimately in the end, it wound up being only the chapter room...which was awesome. We woke up in the morning and headed to IHOP and then went about our way. It was exhausting, though. When I got home at like 4, I passed out until 8...and I'm STILL tired :( Outlandish...but it was all good and well worth it. I wore a short blue dress with pockets and nude shoes and matching clutch with black jewelry...and my hair was down...which was a bad idea because it definitely got sweated out due to the dancing. And the liquor had me feeling sooooo nice. I felt no cold whenever I went outside...lmao. But...banquet did come on the heels of a sadness.
Binx
So...randomly one day this week I got an FB im from someone I hadn't talked to in a long time and apparently, he was going through some things. He said he would be heading out on Saturday and wanted me to come see him in PA on Friday. I said okay because...well...he's fucking Binx, lmao. So, I made plans to go out there and see him. I packed up all my stuff for the weekend and headed out there. On my way there on Friday, I looked at my phone and he called me like 4 times. I called him back and...they wanted to ship out that day instead of Saturday...and I was already in PA and was an hour away. I had to pull over into a strip mall parking lot and I just...cried. I think I sat there for about 30 minutes...then, defeated...I headed home...and took a nap. I really wish I could have seen him because I just felt like he would have felt better if he knew someone other than his family cared about what was going on in his life. Oh well...at least I can write him.
Questionable
So, about a month or so ago, I went on a trip to (let's call this place PA) to see this guy (let's call him Luis). Now, the last time I saw Luis when he randomly came to Jersey, it was all gravy. We were booloving and all sorts of stuff and shit was magical and fantastical...even got a few sap tweets in the mix and everything. Fast forward to me staying the night in PA. Everything still seemed sort of okay, albeit not a lot of booloving going on on his end...and whatever was done, kind of felt a little forced. And when we went to his friends house for a birthday party, that's when I kinda feel like it got really sketchy and forced. Almost like...because I was there, everyone assumed we were a couple and he felt like we had to act as such to avoid any long winded explanation of what we were (are? I don't even know anymore..not that I ever did). At any rate, since then...I barely get a BBM from him now and most of what we talk about almost feels forced and is initiated by me...I'm really surprised if we carry a conversation that's longer than 2 minutes or 4 bbms...whichever is shorter. Fast-forward to maybe like 2 weeks ago. He decides to tell me about his ex that he was on and off with for about 5 years and something about her nieces and nephews and how they basically raise the kids together and yadda yadda ya. That's cool and noble of you and all that jazz. Then yesterday...or this morning, I see a twit pic that was taken by one of his friends and it said something about the love between them being disgusting and...not that I was upset by it, but it just threw me off. I don't know why. Oh well. It is what it is. Guess he's another one to throw in the "not so much" pile now, which sucks because I really like(d) him. Oh well. Maybe this is just one of those things and it is whatever it is...which...isn't really anything, I think. And that could be why I feel some kind of way about it. But c'est la vie. Let's get the quote from last night and put it in the head :)
Omar
So, speaking about exes, I'm still talking to Omar and he still has drama which is like a novella and it almost seems like half of the stuff in his life is female related and is therefore SO preventable...but he apparently likes to gamble and then gets upset when he loses the gamble with "I'm so disappointed in myself because I didn't want it to happen this way" and blah blah blah. I just told him "yeah, but you knew what the outcome could be, you took a gamble and you lost", which is what happened. And that's the end of that...lol.
Banquet
So, my most recent even that I've gone to was my sorority's banquet last night. We had SUCH a blast. It was like short dress banquet...like 99.4% of us had on short dresses. We all got that memo...lol. We had a ringleader, a guy on stilts, a contortionist (who was OD) and a belly dancer...it was fun fun times and we took massive amounts of pics. Then we had a "party" in our hotel room, but ultimately in the end, it wound up being only the chapter room...which was awesome. We woke up in the morning and headed to IHOP and then went about our way. It was exhausting, though. When I got home at like 4, I passed out until 8...and I'm STILL tired :( Outlandish...but it was all good and well worth it. I wore a short blue dress with pockets and nude shoes and matching clutch with black jewelry...and my hair was down...which was a bad idea because it definitely got sweated out due to the dancing. And the liquor had me feeling sooooo nice. I felt no cold whenever I went outside...lmao. But...banquet did come on the heels of a sadness.
Binx
So...randomly one day this week I got an FB im from someone I hadn't talked to in a long time and apparently, he was going through some things. He said he would be heading out on Saturday and wanted me to come see him in PA on Friday. I said okay because...well...he's fucking Binx, lmao. So, I made plans to go out there and see him. I packed up all my stuff for the weekend and headed out there. On my way there on Friday, I looked at my phone and he called me like 4 times. I called him back and...they wanted to ship out that day instead of Saturday...and I was already in PA and was an hour away. I had to pull over into a strip mall parking lot and I just...cried. I think I sat there for about 30 minutes...then, defeated...I headed home...and took a nap. I really wish I could have seen him because I just felt like he would have felt better if he knew someone other than his family cared about what was going on in his life. Oh well...at least I can write him.
Questionable
So, about a month or so ago, I went on a trip to (let's call this place PA) to see this guy (let's call him Luis). Now, the last time I saw Luis when he randomly came to Jersey, it was all gravy. We were booloving and all sorts of stuff and shit was magical and fantastical...even got a few sap tweets in the mix and everything. Fast forward to me staying the night in PA. Everything still seemed sort of okay, albeit not a lot of booloving going on on his end...and whatever was done, kind of felt a little forced. And when we went to his friends house for a birthday party, that's when I kinda feel like it got really sketchy and forced. Almost like...because I was there, everyone assumed we were a couple and he felt like we had to act as such to avoid any long winded explanation of what we were (are? I don't even know anymore..not that I ever did). At any rate, since then...I barely get a BBM from him now and most of what we talk about almost feels forced and is initiated by me...I'm really surprised if we carry a conversation that's longer than 2 minutes or 4 bbms...whichever is shorter. Fast-forward to maybe like 2 weeks ago. He decides to tell me about his ex that he was on and off with for about 5 years and something about her nieces and nephews and how they basically raise the kids together and yadda yadda ya. That's cool and noble of you and all that jazz. Then yesterday...or this morning, I see a twit pic that was taken by one of his friends and it said something about the love between them being disgusting and...not that I was upset by it, but it just threw me off. I don't know why. Oh well. It is what it is. Guess he's another one to throw in the "not so much" pile now, which sucks because I really like(d) him. Oh well. Maybe this is just one of those things and it is whatever it is...which...isn't really anything, I think. And that could be why I feel some kind of way about it. But c'est la vie. Let's get the quote from last night and put it in the head :)
Omar
So, speaking about exes, I'm still talking to Omar and he still has drama which is like a novella and it almost seems like half of the stuff in his life is female related and is therefore SO preventable...but he apparently likes to gamble and then gets upset when he loses the gamble with "I'm so disappointed in myself because I didn't want it to happen this way" and blah blah blah. I just told him "yeah, but you knew what the outcome could be, you took a gamble and you lost", which is what happened. And that's the end of that...lol.
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