Blog #44 - The Fuckery of My Dating Life...

So, in order to not get nekkid (damn that FDot), I have decided to write a new blog - I've actually been meaning to do so...I've just been forgetting. So here's a little ditty about a "date" that I went on and all the deets:

So, I'm at the gas station, minding my OWN fucking business and trying to get some damn gas. For those that don't know, it's illegal as hell to pump your own gas in Jersey -and to be real, it's winter time...I'm not even trying to get out the car-, so I started looking for the gas station attendant. I look to my left and then look to my right. I see a big ol' Yukon and this guy looking at me. He smiles, so I politely wave and then resume looking for the attendant because I'm still not getting the fuck out the car...it was January. Damn that. I look to the right again and try NOT to catch this guy's line of vision, but...he's looking dead at me and motions for me to roll down my window. I said no and then next thing I know...he's at my window so I have to roll it down slightly now. I rolled it down and he starts talking to me. He tells the guy I want to fill up my tank and then resumes talking to me. Dead ass, he looked like Rick Ross...not in the face or anything. But in terms of his body type (I will say that he's smaller than Mr. Ross), his complexion....he even had the beard thing going on with some shades. We converse and he asks me the standard questions - how old am I (apparently I looked like I just turned 18 on this particular day), what's my ethnic background (because that's all 5 minute meeting appropriate) and a bunch of other questions. Then he asked me if I would be his Valentine and we could "do the Biggie and Faith thing". I died laughing...all IN his face. Like...looked dead at him and laughed hard. I thought that was funny, so I gave him the digits - at least I could make a new friend, right?

He hits me up...apparently to tell me I drive too fast (who told him to try and follow me in a damn Yukon ANYways). We agree to go to dinner around 9ish and he said it was going to be a nice place. I really should have known better. Anyways, 8:30 comes and I hit him up like "hey, am I picking you up, are you picking me up or do you just wanna meet at the restaurant". I'm considerate like that...lol. He said he's gonna pick me up because the place is not too far from my house. 9pm comes...and goes. 9:30, I get hit with "my truck has a flat and I'm waiting for the repair guy to get here and change it. He said he's 12 minutes away". I asked if he just wanted me to come pick him up and we leave from his place. He said no because the place is closer to my house. At this point...I just changed my clothes and washed my face because...it was gonna be forever until they REALLY got to his place and sure enough...11:00pm rolls by and I get a text...not even a phone call...a FUCKING TEXT that says "the repair guy just got here...you should probably just come up here". I said "I hope you have plans to make this up because you wasted my time and if there's anything I hate, it's for my time to be wasted. I could have been up there at 9:30 or been out with my friends. I'm not driving up there because I don't feel like it". Needless to say, he came to my house and we went out...

...TO THE FUCKING DINER!!!!! And that's where he decided to say "I know I fucked up but this is my apology". Word? And that is where I noticed shit that I just can't do...like he can't chew with his mouth closed and he breathes through his mouth when he chews, so it sounds like he's snorting his food and wheezing all at the same time. I almost barfed. Then he starts asking sexual questions like he knows me like that or he just assumed he was getting some ass. Ignored. The check comes and before I could even reach for it to pay my portion, he grabbed it, looked at it and said "you got this, right?" Ummm...I planned on paying for my portion, but if you want me to pay for yours too, that's fine. He proceeded to say "Oh, nah. It was a test that I do." Yeah...I quit. Too done at this point. We get back in the car, get to my house and yeah...he got a pound from me and I bolted out the car. Needless to say, he has not heard hide nor hair from me since then. I QUIT.