Blog #53 - Inner Self & Updates

Sunday: So, I was on Twitter today and I follow @EverythingLibra because I'm obviously a Libra. One of the tweets that the posted today was about listening to the inner self to gain inner peace. I don't think I do that too much. I don't think my inner self and I have been on the same page. Maybe it's time that I started. But that might lead to situations I don't want to be in occasionally. Right now, my inner self is telling me to not even bother texting J anymore - currently at war with my like for him on this. I wanna just not text him anymore because I'm always putting in the first text but I know that he's busy with work and all of his other things so it almost feels like I have to if I want to remain in contact with him. It's like a double-edged sword. I think I might start listening to my inner self from now on. Maybe I'll gain a little inner peace. Not that I'm that tormented. Just having internal battles with myself. Battles that aren't being won by anyone at this current moment. LOL

Monday: So after blogging what I did yesterday and saving it, I had a conversation with a friend of mine today about what I was feeling and she pretty much told me essentially the same shit my inner self was telling me - back off. Then I got home today and was reading an article that was something about being thirsty and #6 was something like "if the ratio of him contacting you first vs you contacting him first is leaning heavy towards you doing all of the work". In looking at our last 5 convos, guess who started them all? THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE!!! And it sucks. I have an ex from like 98, 99 that I'm still good friends with and every so often (the last time being 7/16), he'll hit me with "morning beautiful" or "hey pretty" or "just woke up and thought of you, so I wanted to say hey" and my head is like "AKSDFAHSDFK, why can't J do this?" I've already made it up in my mind that come September, I won't be getting on a plane. I'm a little sad about it, but I refuse to get on a plane to see someone that doesn't at least initiate conversation. Say hi or something. But yeah. I'm just gonna let it go and it is what it is. Better to find it out now rather than later. And I'm okay with it. Do I want it to change, sure. Will I force it, no.