Blog #54 - Wasted Time and Communication

This is totally based on a true story:

So, Saturday as I was driving back to home (well, sitting in traffic going 2 mph on the Turnpike is more like it) from a most epic weekend, I got hit with a text from Christian*. "You free Tuesday?" I replied with a yes and asked why. I got "Because I want to drive down to see you". Okay, cool. I let him know that I should be home around 5 and he replies that he's off all day so he'll see me Tuesday at 5. Saturday passes, Sunday passes, Monday comes. Around 7:30, I sent Christian a text to confirm that he was coming down the next day and he said yes. I thought about where we would go for dinner and things to do afterwards because that's what happens when he comes down or when I go up to him - we have dinner, a few drinks and just kick it and enjoy each other's company.

Tuesday comes and I left work at 4:30 (if I didn't have plans, I'm pretty sure I would have left around 5:15 or later). I figured it takes about 45 minutes to get from Christian's house to mine based on where he lives, so I shot him a text when I got in the car to see if he left yet so I can judge how far away he is to see if I have time to do some minor running around. Nothing...no response. I thought "hmmm...maybe he's driving and didn't hear it". No, it's not an excuse...that happens to me all the time. Even with my earpiece in, I will straight miss a phone call because I have the windows open and I'm jamming to my iPod like I have no damn sense. Anyways, I got home, changed into some sweats, played with the puppy and before long, I noticed that it was 6:30...still no Christian. At this point, I pretty much figured our plans were done and I was a little worried so I called to see if he was okay. No answer again. If I hit someone up to kick it and then was suddenly unable to make it, you better believe that person will know somehow. Hell, I was laid up in the hospital on a Sunday afternoon and I had the ability to shoot my boss a text that said "in the hospital. They're keeping me overnight".

I thought maybe it was just me having daddy issues from when my step-dad used to do that to me as a little kid (on some random Saturday, Lil TwinkerBelle used to sit on the couch by her front door in her pretty outfit and barrettes waiting for him to show up because he said he would come pick her up at 11 to go school clothes shopping. And she would sit...and sit...and sit. And eventually fall asleep on the couch) but I spoke to two different guys about the situation and they both said that Christian is a douchebag and that it's fugged up that he would be the one to make plans and then bail without some sort of communication. I do think my daddy issues have lead to me being EXTRA irritated about it...but I think it would irritate someone who's father was the best father to them, so that nullifies that. So, I ask you...

Why hit a person up to go out, confirm the day before and then just be a no call/no show the day of? Can one be that inconsiderate of someone else's time that you think they have nothing else to do that day? I do understand that unexpected things happen, but I mean, damn. Can't even shoot a "Can't make it"? Is lack of communication rampant in men my age range (27-32) these days? I haven't been in a relationship or dating someone exclusively roughly since November - and even the break-up on his end lacked communication (How do I find out via a twitpic and not from you. Come on, son). But anyways, do people communicate anymore? Not just talk...people can talk all the time. Communication requires that the person not speaking comprehend and understand...even if you disagree in the end. Is not communicating some new-fangled Tresvant ish from "Generation Real Wrong"? Is communication more important to women than it is to men and if so, how does a couple maintain a relationship without equal parts of communication from both parties. It means nothing if one is speaking but the other isn't listening. Is communication dead?

Blog #53 - Inner Self & Updates

Sunday: So, I was on Twitter today and I follow @EverythingLibra because I'm obviously a Libra. One of the tweets that the posted today was about listening to the inner self to gain inner peace. I don't think I do that too much. I don't think my inner self and I have been on the same page. Maybe it's time that I started. But that might lead to situations I don't want to be in occasionally. Right now, my inner self is telling me to not even bother texting J anymore - currently at war with my like for him on this. I wanna just not text him anymore because I'm always putting in the first text but I know that he's busy with work and all of his other things so it almost feels like I have to if I want to remain in contact with him. It's like a double-edged sword. I think I might start listening to my inner self from now on. Maybe I'll gain a little inner peace. Not that I'm that tormented. Just having internal battles with myself. Battles that aren't being won by anyone at this current moment. LOL

Monday: So after blogging what I did yesterday and saving it, I had a conversation with a friend of mine today about what I was feeling and she pretty much told me essentially the same shit my inner self was telling me - back off. Then I got home today and was reading an article that was something about being thirsty and #6 was something like "if the ratio of him contacting you first vs you contacting him first is leaning heavy towards you doing all of the work". In looking at our last 5 convos, guess who started them all? THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE!!! And it sucks. I have an ex from like 98, 99 that I'm still good friends with and every so often (the last time being 7/16), he'll hit me with "morning beautiful" or "hey pretty" or "just woke up and thought of you, so I wanted to say hey" and my head is like "AKSDFAHSDFK, why can't J do this?" I've already made it up in my mind that come September, I won't be getting on a plane. I'm a little sad about it, but I refuse to get on a plane to see someone that doesn't at least initiate conversation. Say hi or something. But yeah. I'm just gonna let it go and it is what it is. Better to find it out now rather than later. And I'm okay with it. Do I want it to change, sure. Will I force it, no.

Blog #52 - The InStyler

So, after getting my hair cut about a week ago, I wanted to get something that would give my hair some volume and make it easier to curl. I can't ponytail my hair anymore ::sadface:: I've always contemplated about the InStyler...but I never wanted to pay $100 for it. On like Wednesday or Thursday, I bought this rotating blowdryer by Conair (I think) from Walgreens for $60 to see if it could do what I wanted it to do while also being budget as hell. Tried it...and FAIL. Massively complicated and all that jazz. The blowdryer rotates two ways and you never know which button is which and it's just a big ol' mess and a half. Full of no buenage. BUT (and this is why I love the ish out of Walgreens) Walgreens will take anything you don't like back - even after you use it. Shout out to them for that! I got my money back today, hopped my butt to Target and coughed up $100 for the InStyler. I watched the little video that came with it to see if there way anything that I didn't know how to do from the infomercial - not so much. So then I got down to bidnass.

I flatironed my hair last night in preparation for going out (and not in prep for using the InStyler because I actually decided to buy it today) and at the end of the night, my hair was looking totally disrespectful and ratchet as hayul. Just crazy looking. It even looked crazy after I tried to wrap it last night when I got in. RATCHET. I already had some product in it from earlier in the week so when I used the InStyler today, I didn't put anything in my hair. I treated it like it was a flat iron and worked my way from the bottom of my head to the top, overextending when I got to the crown of my head to build volume. I didn't get as much volume as I would have liked, but I think that's because the product from earlier in the week hasn't come all the way out of my hair so it looks like my hair is a little heavy, but that's my own damn fault. I'll just put some baby powder in it to suck up the oil later (maybe I'll put the powder in and then wrap my hurr). As a whole, though...I'm very pleased with this purchase!

My ONLY 2 qualms with it are (and one of them is just my own issue): when using a flat iron, I have a habit of holding the edge to make sure it's curling properly. You don't have to with the InStyler and even if you did, you would burn the BEJESUS out of your fingers because there is no buffer edge so you would literally be touching the actual rotating iron - which gets HOT. I like my fingers just the way they are. No need to burn them off lol. The other issue I have with it is sometimes (and only sometimes - this is NOT an often occurence) when using it on the front part of my hair, it looked like my hair was fried and didn't feel all that great and it almost looked like the InStyler was kicking my hair back into a teased look. How to fix this - use your other hand. I promise you, it's that easy. And if you want to smooth your edges before you put your hair in the InStyler (which I need to do because I haven't put a chemical straightener in my hair since like November) all you have to do is just run the barrel along your roots and you're good! So yeah. Love it and I would recommend it!

Blog #51 - Turn Back the Hands of Time...

Really random just now - I was blogging about love and what have you a few days ago...and my puppy love from high school hit me on Facebook (I'm telling you, it's the devil lol). We're friends or whatever so it wasn't that big a deal. I just thought it was hilarious because he popped into my head the other day because I found "our child". Before you start calling DYFS, lemme explain lol. Back when we were all in luh and stuff, we went to Build-A-Bear and built a son. A pale ass bear with blue eyes and glasses. Named him and did all that kooky stuff they make you do when building the bear. Dressed him in some jeans and timbs too. I giggle thinking about the memory. Anyways, I found the bear. He was nekkid - I don't know why, but he was. So, that's what I meant when I said I found our son lol. Anyways, we're playing catch-up and all that good stuff and it got me to thinking...if I could turn back the hands of time, with at least a little bit of the knowledge I have now - would I have dated him or anyone I dated from middle school until 2010? Probably not. I might have saved myself a WHOLE lot of damn drama lol.

But that's about it. There was more but I was writing this a few days ago so I pretty much forgot what I was going to say. Probably nothing but that it was random as hayul to me.

Blog #50 - How to Love but 1+1...

So, I'm not the biggest Lil Wayne fan at ALL. My liking of Lil Wayne goes to songs where I think it could have been better without him (IE - Kelly Rowland's Motivation, Mike Posner's Bow Chicka Wow Wow), songs of his that have features that I like (IE - Shooter f. Robin Thicke. Robin Thicke was my whole reason for even liking the song in all honesty) or songs where the beat is pretty hot (IE - A Milli. I won't deny that the beat is pretty fly). I was at work on Friday and I heard this autotuned ass voice singing this song called "How to Love". Now, I was busy as shit on Friday, but one part of the song drew me to slow down and pay attention to it, which was "Never really had luck couldn’t never figure out How to Love (how to love)/You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever/Now you in a corner trying to put it together - How to Love". What I got from the lyrics was a girl trying to mend her broken heart over failed relationships and really trying to put her heart together. I would actually have to say that this MIGHT be one of my favorite songs by Lil Wayne on his own (even if he CAN'T sing at all). But, I'm able to identify with this song which is why I probably like it. I've had some pretty shitty relationships that have ended with me being broken and battered emotionally (or maybe physically during the course of the relationship) and after each time, I had to figure out how to love and at what point did it go south. And like Lil Wayne said, I spent a lot of time sitting in the corner looking at my thoughts and looking over my shoulder, trying to figure out what happened, where to go and what to do next.

I guess the question I pose to myself is - after each failed relationship, should I have loved differently? Should I have given less of myself to the next one because of the last one? If so, wouldn't that be holding on to baggage and aren't I against bringing baggage from old relationships into new ones? If one puts their guard up going into the next relationship, wouldn't that be bringing baggage? Maybe guards are different than baggage and you can go into a new relationship with a guard up but devoid of baggage? Does that even make sense? I don't think it does, but what do I know. I'm just sitting in the corner looking at my thoughts and looking over my shoulder for the next one trying to steal my heart.

In the same token, Beyonce has a song called 1+1. While I'm not a Beyonce stan (I have my moments where I like her and where I don't) 1+1 is essentially and could be the quintessential love song. It's basically about how a girl and her man don't need shit else because all they need is each other. Beautiful beautiful message...love it.

How does one go from figuring out how to love to 1+1. Does it take the one person who's trying to figure out how to love or both parties in the relationship. Should one figure out how to love prior to entering the relationship or figure it out along the way? MAYBE....the journey is to be started alone, but end with 2. Who knows lol. I'm clearly not a master of love lol. I'm not even a master of like at this point. But love would be nice at some point.

I think I need to hit the mutual 'like' stage first and with the way things are going, I'm not sure if I'll ever get there with the new guy I like. Maybe he's just busy and focused on his career. Not too sure if I should back off and let him do his thing (I probably will). I hate to think I'm being a pain in the ass with my texting - I just wanna make sure he's okay and stuff. I know he's going on a career change and that can be a little daunting. *positive vibes his way*

Ummm...I think that's it right now. :)

Blog #49 - She Ain't You...

So, this blog stems from a text I got the other day from Omar...but it wasn't Omar. It was his newest baby mama - you know her. I've talked about her...nothing bad. Just about their situation maybe and stuff. Maybe I forgot to include that she is the mother of his newest daughter, so shoutout to him for that. All the message said was "You should tell Omar to change his password". I read it and then brought it up to him the next day and I guess he put two and two together and realized what happened. She apparently went through his phone and was sending all sorts of messages to any females she could find. I guess when he asked her about it, apparently she didn't feel some kind of way with the other females, but did with me and wants to know what I have that she doesn't. I told him that I don't have the crazy girl gene lol. But seriously...I don't. I don't look through people's stuff because when you go looking for shit, you're bound to get dirty. I can't be bothered. Shenanigans. But the title is basically...she can't be me. And I can't be her. I need her to not be worried about what it is that I'm doing and focus on being a mom. The boy asked her if you wanted to get back together and be a family and she shot the poor guy down...but is wanting to know what I have that she doesn't. Don't worry about that. Comparison to an ex is never a good thing in any relationship. I'm going off on a tangent right now so let me go post this and then write another blog lol.

Ciao

Blog #48 - Wise Words from A Cuban Man

"You don't need new stuff. You just need to treat the stuff you have like it's new."

This is what I took away from a conversation about cars. I was getting out of my car and one of my dad's friends was driving by. He was in a nice little car and we were talking about my car and how I wanted to get a new one because it's old. I told him what happened to me this weekend (which is another blog in and of itself) and that I wanted to get the window fixed, but my mom shut me down. He said "if you take care of it like it's new, it will be like new" and then started telling me all of the extra things I need to do to it and that I have to take care of it and make it mine. And then when he said "this type of car is a really good car. If you take care of it, it will take care of you. It will welcome you in" is when I realized that I needed to change my way of thinking. This car has been passed down in my family since we bought it in 1995. My mother drove it, both of my brothers drove it, my brother's girlfriend drove it and now it's mine. My mom has drilled into my head "drive it for a few more years, beat it up and then we'll get another one". In reality, I need to treat this one like it's new. I started thinking of all of the things I want to do to it - like get a new hubcap, maybe add some tints, get all of the dents and scratches out, things like that.

I then started to think about it in terms of life and things/people in my life in particular. I need to start taking better care of my family and friends. I don't need new family/friends - I just need to treat the ones I have now like they're new. Think about it. When you get a new car, you take extra special care to not get it banged up or get any dents or anything like that. You should do the same with your friends and family. Each day is a gift...unwrap it and take special care to not damage it, break it or put dents in it. That's my basic spiel of the day.

Love your friends and family like they're new, precious gifts. Tis all.

Blog #47 - Natural Hair Journey, pt 1

So, it's been a minute since I've blogged about anything remotely happy or interesting in my life, but I decided to take this natural hair care journey really fast. I was looking at a lot of things that I use in my hair and just analyzing my hair care routine overall when its curly or straight and decided that 1) I was putting WAAAAAAY too many things in my hair and 2) all of the things I put in my hair aren't the greatest things. I decided to purge my hair care routine and go natural - the henna blog and the kinky curly blogs are the actual start of my journey. What really kicked this off was I was in Walgreen's one day to pick up this conditioner that someone on youtube recommended as an alternative to the "Knot Today" from Kinky Curly and this Russian guy was looking for natural products for his wife. We were looking on the back of labels and I picked up some things that I use(d) and had a "wtf is this" look when looking at the back for the ingredients. I think that was my moment that I said "eff the traditional products" and I gravitated towards this brand called Shea Moisture.

The Shea Moisture Shea Butter shampoo is like THEE best shampoo that I've used on my hair in forever. I can wash my hair on a Sunday, wear it curly and then go to wash it again that next Sunday, and my hair will STILL feel like butter as I'm just standing under the water letting my hair get wet...and it will smell like shea butter, even after a week. I love it. At first, it doesn't really look like much, but when I get it in my hair, I can definitely run my fingers through it after rinsing the shampoo out. I bought the conditioner a few days ago and it's a pump and thick...I'm not too big a fan of it, but I'm willing to try it again. I really like the Tresemme Naturals Moisture Rich Conditioner for my hair as a followup to the Shea Moisture shampoo.

The next product I use is Kinky Curly Curling Custard. Yeah, I know I tried it before and it was an epic fail, but I decided that it was a fail because of the henna so I waited for it to grow out a little bit and then try it again. I think I did the henna in December, so I waited until about March to try the KCCC again. I love it! I just wish I had a different haircut to provide more bounce and body and shape to it because my hair is pretty one dimensional and flat right now. I need more body and bounce and shape!!!

I was talking to a friend of mine who is a natural yesterday about how I felt really good when talking to this girl at Walgreen's about natural hair care (she rang up my purchase for the Shea Moisture Conditioner) and how the girl was telling me what she uses in her hair. She showed me the product and I told her to junk it ASAP because like the 2nd or 3rd ingredient is Sodium Laurel Sulfate, and that's why her hair is so dry. I continued to tell my friend how I haven't had a relaxer since around November and I wanted to try and see how long I can go, so...I guess this is my official start to this. It's already been around 3.5, 4 months so I think I'm doing pretty okay. I've flat ironed my hair before and it came out really nice and bone straight at the roots, which is good...considering all I used was my shampoo, conditioner and some argan oil before I blew it dry. I'll have to try it again to see how it comes out again. I think it was a little greasy, so I'll try to put in less of the oil...that should do the trick. I have to put pics up, though to document this journey.

I also need to find a natural hair dye for the summer time. I want to lighten it up a bit. Oh well...onward and upward on this journey!

Blog #46 - Dearest Jari...

So, as you all know, my line brother passed away on March 7 (last Monday). The wake was Wednesday and Thursday and the funeral was Friday. It took me the day to write this because I couldn't formulate my thoughts so soon and I drank away the pain last night when I got home. I couldn't make it to the wake because of another wake I had to go to, but I was able to make it to the funeral on Friday. It was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. It was honestly and easily the 3rd hardest funeral I have been to - the first being my father's and the second being my grandmother's. Thankfully, I was not alone and I had the support of my sorority sisters and fraternity brothers - especially my line brothers - as we buried one of our own. That is a heartbreaking thing to do. I know the pain that I was feeling, so I can only imagine the pain of his family. My deepest and sincere condolences go out to the Negron family in their time of sorrow. I write this letter to my line brother, with full love, affection and filled with memories, and yet and still, with tears of pain.

Dear Jari,

DMX said it perfectly when he said "I have trouble accepting the fact that you're gone, so I won't. It will be like we went for a while without seeing each other. But I can understand why God would have wanted you with him because you really were an angel on Earth. And in my own special way, I love you and I miss you" (you know how I feel about this was the downfall of DMX, but that is a different blog/letter lol). Even though I was present at your funeral and burial yesterday to "close the chapter" and sort of make things official with a "see you later", it all seemed surreal and like a bad dream because all I can think about is how much I miss you and all of the good times that we had from Spring 2003 and beyond and all of the conversations that we had - especially about you coming home and all of the good times that were going to be had then. I never envisioned that you would come home this way, but...at least you're home, I guess. It has been an emotional roller coaster, but I guess the ride is over and it's all time we got off. I wasn't able to make it to the wake, but from what I hear, I should be glad because you didn't look like you and I want to remember you the way that you are - happy and smiling. The Joker. I know that everyone says that you're "in a better place now", but I can't help but feel angry because it feels like I was robbed. You were just taken from us in the dead of night without rhyme or reason and we still don't know why or how. I know that's selfish of me, but it's only because I miss you terribly. Every now and then since last Monday, I scroll through my phone book or look at my aim list and I see your name/screen name and I can't bring myself to delete them because even though I went yesterday, part of me still feels like you're going to call or IM me and say "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS", like you always did, which would ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be followed by an "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB" because we're goof troop like that. I cherish each and every conversation that we've ever had in all 8 years that you've been in my life and while it definitely saddens me that I can no longer hold you in the physical realm, something tells me you will hold me in the spiritual realm and be a guide...just like my father, grandmother, grandfather and aunt. It warms my heart to know that you are loved by so many people and we will take these memories with us in our hearts. I can't help but think of the last chorus in the P!nk song "Who Knew" and remix it for myself...which seems like the perfect way to end this letter to you: If someone said 8 years from now you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong. But that last convo, I'll cherish until we meet again. And time makes it harder. I wish I could remember. But I'll keep your memory. You visit me in my sleep. My LB...who knew.

I will keep your memory alive and cherish you always, line brother. I love you and I miss you. Sleep in heavenly peace, Jari.

Blog #45 - To My Line Brother Jari-yon Negron

I had a funky ass blog to write today - but then at 4:25, I got some gutwrenching news that I prayed wasn't true. But sadly it was confirmed. You passed away in Japan and I'm going crazy trying not to think about it, but it's all I can think of. It's consuming my brain - everything from when we were online to our conversation about 2 weeks ago and how excited we both were that you were going to be coming home soon from the Navy and how we would party it up and how you would come see Tee's baby and just the good times that we were gonna have when you got back to NY. Now, you're coming home to a soldier's funeral. And it fucking sucks. I know that you're in a better place and all of that - but it still fucking sucks. You haven't even been confirmed as deceased for 3 hours and all I can think about is how, when we were online, you used to call trying to use the sexy, deep Barry White voice when you were all of freshly 18...but it always got a laugh out of me. I remember hanging out in NY - just being neos, running around the city like we lost our gatdamn minds. I remember when Justy got branded and how you were yelling about how you wanted some bacon...because that's what being branded sounds like - sizzling bacon. I was looking foward to reminiscing and building new memories with the rest of our line upon your return home and then celebrating when Migz came back home from the Navy - but now I have are these memories that I will forever hold close to my heart. I never thought I would have to think about this so early in life - you were only 26 - but they say the good die young...and LB, you were great. I will miss you forever.

To my line sisters and line brothers - our pain will linger, but love and our memories of our dear line brother will overcome all of the pain and allow us to live our lives as if Jari was here. The Joker would want it that way, and you know it. It hurts now, but together, we will overcome. As Jari once told me during that great semester of Spring 2003 "SPRING 2003 DOES NOT BREAK LINE AND WE WILL STAY STRONG". I'm struggling to do so...but I'm gonna try for you, LB.

God, I know you needed Jari with you, so I just ask that You let him know that we miss him terribly and that we will see him when we get up there. Jari...you are now our Angel standing by. I love you.

RIP B5 - Jari-yon "The Joker" Negron

September 13, 1984 - March 7, 2011

Blog #44 - The Fuckery of My Dating Life...

So, in order to not get nekkid (damn that FDot), I have decided to write a new blog - I've actually been meaning to do so...I've just been forgetting. So here's a little ditty about a "date" that I went on and all the deets:

So, I'm at the gas station, minding my OWN fucking business and trying to get some damn gas. For those that don't know, it's illegal as hell to pump your own gas in Jersey -and to be real, it's winter time...I'm not even trying to get out the car-, so I started looking for the gas station attendant. I look to my left and then look to my right. I see a big ol' Yukon and this guy looking at me. He smiles, so I politely wave and then resume looking for the attendant because I'm still not getting the fuck out the car...it was January. Damn that. I look to the right again and try NOT to catch this guy's line of vision, but...he's looking dead at me and motions for me to roll down my window. I said no and then next thing I know...he's at my window so I have to roll it down slightly now. I rolled it down and he starts talking to me. He tells the guy I want to fill up my tank and then resumes talking to me. Dead ass, he looked like Rick Ross...not in the face or anything. But in terms of his body type (I will say that he's smaller than Mr. Ross), his complexion....he even had the beard thing going on with some shades. We converse and he asks me the standard questions - how old am I (apparently I looked like I just turned 18 on this particular day), what's my ethnic background (because that's all 5 minute meeting appropriate) and a bunch of other questions. Then he asked me if I would be his Valentine and we could "do the Biggie and Faith thing". I died laughing...all IN his face. Like...looked dead at him and laughed hard. I thought that was funny, so I gave him the digits - at least I could make a new friend, right?

He hits me up...apparently to tell me I drive too fast (who told him to try and follow me in a damn Yukon ANYways). We agree to go to dinner around 9ish and he said it was going to be a nice place. I really should have known better. Anyways, 8:30 comes and I hit him up like "hey, am I picking you up, are you picking me up or do you just wanna meet at the restaurant". I'm considerate like that...lol. He said he's gonna pick me up because the place is not too far from my house. 9pm comes...and goes. 9:30, I get hit with "my truck has a flat and I'm waiting for the repair guy to get here and change it. He said he's 12 minutes away". I asked if he just wanted me to come pick him up and we leave from his place. He said no because the place is closer to my house. At this point...I just changed my clothes and washed my face because...it was gonna be forever until they REALLY got to his place and sure enough...11:00pm rolls by and I get a text...not even a phone call...a FUCKING TEXT that says "the repair guy just got here...you should probably just come up here". I said "I hope you have plans to make this up because you wasted my time and if there's anything I hate, it's for my time to be wasted. I could have been up there at 9:30 or been out with my friends. I'm not driving up there because I don't feel like it". Needless to say, he came to my house and we went out...

...TO THE FUCKING DINER!!!!! And that's where he decided to say "I know I fucked up but this is my apology". Word? And that is where I noticed shit that I just can't do...like he can't chew with his mouth closed and he breathes through his mouth when he chews, so it sounds like he's snorting his food and wheezing all at the same time. I almost barfed. Then he starts asking sexual questions like he knows me like that or he just assumed he was getting some ass. Ignored. The check comes and before I could even reach for it to pay my portion, he grabbed it, looked at it and said "you got this, right?" Ummm...I planned on paying for my portion, but if you want me to pay for yours too, that's fine. He proceeded to say "Oh, nah. It was a test that I do." Yeah...I quit. Too done at this point. We get back in the car, get to my house and yeah...he got a pound from me and I bolted out the car. Needless to say, he has not heard hide nor hair from me since then. I QUIT.

Blog #43 - New Year, Same Shit (lol)

So, let's see. It's Saturday, the 2nd Saturday in 2011 and to be real, not much has really changed. I'm sitting here on my laptop at the dance studio, just blogging and looking at how this snow is going to aggravate my life today. What's new? Well, let's discuss!

New Job - so, I started working for this pharmaceutical company on the 21st of December and I really like it a lot. It's a lot of work, but nothing that I'm not willing to do. I'm learning new things everyday, which makes it good. I'm becoming a bigger beast in Excel than I was before. The girl training me is fabulous and my project manager is nice too. It's a temp-to-perm, so hopefully I can get to perm status pretty fast and they'll want to make me perm. That's about it on that front.

Love Life - this is where it's getting a little tricky. So, I cut off a lot of people at the end of 2010 (especially because I got a new phone and lost people's phone numbers - not that I even care, actually). I'm just being single and going out on dates and liking it. It's kind of a nice thing. I don't owe anything to anyone and I'm not obligated to anyone, which is nice - but, I won't say that I don't want to be in a relationship, though. I've been conversing with an ex from back in the day and we've just been having long ass random conversations and one of those conversations was on how we both want to settle down and all that other jazz, especially since he told his babies mom to go fuck herself. He actually told me that he's shocked that I'm not settled down because I'm such a good catch, which shocked the shit out of me. Never expected to hear those words come out of his mouth. Being the nosy chick I am, I asked what makes me a good catch and he said "Shit, that's easy. You're BEAUTIFUL for one. Not to mention you're a ride or die chick. Great sense of humor and have a heart of gold and that's just off the top of my head". It sounds really odd coming from him, but I definitely appreciate it. I wonder if he thought that of me when we went out or if it was a recent revelation...lol. Anywho...so, I got an email from Mr. Chicago man the other day, which REALLY threw me off because the last time I heard from him was before Thanksgiving. I sent him an email wishing him a happy Thanksgiving and then left it at that because I thought he was getting back with his ex-wife for the sake of his son. Turns out, not so much. If what he said in his most recent email is true - she's an unnecessary bitch and fails at life. He said once things get settled, he would try to come back out to Jersey and see me - not that I believe it because, quite frankly, I don't believe anything these dudes say these days. He said when we met, it felt like a movie and...I can't even front. It actually did. Thinking about it still makes me smile. Don't know if that makes me a cornball or whatever but...it was a good memory and time when he was here and that's that.

And, I'm getting ready to get out of here, so...adios, amigos! Maybe I'll edit it or post another blog later.