Blog #50 - How to Love but 1+1...

So, I'm not the biggest Lil Wayne fan at ALL. My liking of Lil Wayne goes to songs where I think it could have been better without him (IE - Kelly Rowland's Motivation, Mike Posner's Bow Chicka Wow Wow), songs of his that have features that I like (IE - Shooter f. Robin Thicke. Robin Thicke was my whole reason for even liking the song in all honesty) or songs where the beat is pretty hot (IE - A Milli. I won't deny that the beat is pretty fly). I was at work on Friday and I heard this autotuned ass voice singing this song called "How to Love". Now, I was busy as shit on Friday, but one part of the song drew me to slow down and pay attention to it, which was "Never really had luck couldn’t never figure out How to Love (how to love)/You had a lot of moments that didn’t last forever/Now you in a corner trying to put it together - How to Love". What I got from the lyrics was a girl trying to mend her broken heart over failed relationships and really trying to put her heart together. I would actually have to say that this MIGHT be one of my favorite songs by Lil Wayne on his own (even if he CAN'T sing at all). But, I'm able to identify with this song which is why I probably like it. I've had some pretty shitty relationships that have ended with me being broken and battered emotionally (or maybe physically during the course of the relationship) and after each time, I had to figure out how to love and at what point did it go south. And like Lil Wayne said, I spent a lot of time sitting in the corner looking at my thoughts and looking over my shoulder, trying to figure out what happened, where to go and what to do next.

I guess the question I pose to myself is - after each failed relationship, should I have loved differently? Should I have given less of myself to the next one because of the last one? If so, wouldn't that be holding on to baggage and aren't I against bringing baggage from old relationships into new ones? If one puts their guard up going into the next relationship, wouldn't that be bringing baggage? Maybe guards are different than baggage and you can go into a new relationship with a guard up but devoid of baggage? Does that even make sense? I don't think it does, but what do I know. I'm just sitting in the corner looking at my thoughts and looking over my shoulder for the next one trying to steal my heart.

In the same token, Beyonce has a song called 1+1. While I'm not a Beyonce stan (I have my moments where I like her and where I don't) 1+1 is essentially and could be the quintessential love song. It's basically about how a girl and her man don't need shit else because all they need is each other. Beautiful beautiful message...love it.

How does one go from figuring out how to love to 1+1. Does it take the one person who's trying to figure out how to love or both parties in the relationship. Should one figure out how to love prior to entering the relationship or figure it out along the way? MAYBE....the journey is to be started alone, but end with 2. Who knows lol. I'm clearly not a master of love lol. I'm not even a master of like at this point. But love would be nice at some point.

I think I need to hit the mutual 'like' stage first and with the way things are going, I'm not sure if I'll ever get there with the new guy I like. Maybe he's just busy and focused on his career. Not too sure if I should back off and let him do his thing (I probably will). I hate to think I'm being a pain in the ass with my texting - I just wanna make sure he's okay and stuff. I know he's going on a career change and that can be a little daunting. *positive vibes his way*

Ummm...I think that's it right now. :)