Blog 56: 2012 So Far

Well...2012 has started and so far, no shade has been thrown on it, which is a good thing. I'm not too sure what compelled me to blog tonight, but something did. A lot has changed since the last time I blogged in August. Omar and I stopped talking around Christmas. And I mean really stopped talking. It was bad. He called me all kinds of bitches and what not.

So, in 2012 I've also learned that I need to be meaner and that I'm too nice. I don't know if I know how to be mean, though. I've had to be nice for so long when I was a child that I feel like it's permanently who I am. I don't know how to be a bitch. I realize a lot of this has to do with my skin disorder. I had to be overly nice so kids would play with me as a child. Even in my 20's, before I evened out, I had to work extra hard in order to get people to overlook my skin before I evened out. My being nice has had me run over in mud with egg on my face so many times, but I don't know how to change. I want to. I want to be the bitch everyone respects as opposed to the nice girl everyone walks over.

I'll have to continue this later because I'm having the only conversation right now. iCan't.